Cycling is a relatively modern sport and bicycles are modern machines, albeit human powered machines.
As such they didn't appear at the ancient Greek Olympics and neither Plato nor Socrates makes mention of them.
I should imagine that with bicycles being relative newcomers on the sporting scene that the rules associated with their use at both Club and Competition level will require several more Centuries before they are realistically fit for purpose.
I will attempt to list and explain the 10 rules of cycling and their idiosyncrasies below.
#1. Cycling should hurt.
If you are not hurting you are not cycling.
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#2. The standard response to a question such as "How are you feeling" should always be "Grand".
Grand means you feel like you have spent three days at Everest Base Camp deprived of oxygen and suffering with a sub dural haematoma.
When you have told the other riders you are feeling "Grand" they will increase the pace just to make you feel "Grander".
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#3. In any Club the Racing members are expected to cycle fast. Non racing Club cyclists are legally obliged to cycle slowly.
While the Club Racers are expected to cycle fast and should fulfil this obligation at every opportunity, should a non racing Club member try this he or she will face the full force of the law.
Penalties for infringement of this rule include but are not limited to : full on frowns, disapproving looks, random tut tutting and last but not least, awkward sideways glances.
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#4. If you are in a group and there are cyclists talking to each other you are not Cycling, you are wandering aimlessly.
Cycling places great demands upon the cardio vascular system and such demands rapidly deplete the amount of available oxygen at any and all given moments. This leaves little if any oxygen to spare for superfluous tasks such as communicating with each other.
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#5. Enjoyment has no place in Cycling.
It is an unnecessary luxury best indulged elsewhere.
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#6. There is no such thing as bad weather, merely bad clothing.
This is a rule frequently directed at what are routinely referred to by cycling nut jobs as "Fair Weather Cyclists".
Fair Weather Cyclists would generally be accepted by any societal norms or standards as reasonably sensible people.
They will not cycle in winds above Beaufort Scale 9, Seismic events above Richter Scale 7, Tsunami warnings or a Category 3 Hurricane. These "softies" will also refuse to cycle in areas contaminated by nuclear fallout and radioactivity.
The cyclist quoting rule six can often be found in session, reclining on a Chaise Longue and recounting some past trauma to the psychiatrist treating him/her for masochistic obsessive tendencies.
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#7. Sports nutrition equals Caffeine and Sugar.
Cycling should always be nutritionally fuelled by Coffee, preferably Cappuccino or Espresso and Cakes of some description.
Bananas are often carried but should be left in the back pocket as ballast and are only to be consumed in extreme circumstances.
The most nutritionally dense and vitamin rich Cakes are Chocolate Eclairs, Parisienne Macaroons, Dacquoise, Gateau of any type and Mississippi Mud Pie.
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#8. All Car drivers are crazed murderous lunatics driving on Learner Permits and visually impaired moronic imbeciles.
Rule number eight goes without saying.
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#9. Cycling is by magnitude thousands of times more important than mowing lawns.
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#10. Cash is an important commodity primarily invented for the purpose of purchasing bicycle parts and cycling paraphernalia.
It shouldn't be wasted on unnecessary items of lesser importance such as groceries, rent, fuel or heating.
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Keep the wheels turning.